gifted

went out last night to the depot to see a couple of guys from austin texas perform electronic rock to the most amazing laser lights show i've seen. i stood on the dance floor dodging elbows to the nose (i always end up behind a really tall, dancing, man) allowing my heart to tremble with the bass. it was a lot of fun - well done ghostland observatory.

then i headed out to fat's grill to see my friend jesse playing blues music. we got there late in the third set. it was rowdy and loud and we continued our evening of dancing. not too bad for a night out in salt lake city.

my fiend jesse is a really incredible pianist. i watched him playing and i felt awed and amazed. i also found myself being a bit jealous. i've always thought it would be cool to learn to play the piano. my mom offered to get one when i was a kid so that i could take lessons. we had a family friend who was a concert pianist. he too was amazing to listen to. in the end we realized that we did not have space in the house for a piano. after a few years i ended up taking on the clarinet, and two years ago i started in with the guitar. certainly i got my instrumental kicks elsewhere.

i almost feel guilty when i am jealous of the musical abilities of others. i have many incredibly musically inclined people in my life - garret and the guitar, jesse and the piano, lynsey and the violin. i feel guilty because i think that perhaps i should not be jealous - i understand that i have something as well...my voice.

when i think about this i start to wonder about the difference between talent and a gift. see, i know that i have been given a gift. i never learned how to sing - i just knew. i was able to mimic the sounds i heard on the radio, from others, in the world around me. i have not cultivated it, studied it, worked it like the people around me who may also have gifts, but also have talent. i think of talent as something one creates...they harness the innate ability they have within themselves and turn it into something extraordinary. when i think about what it took my friends to get where they are i find it so humbling.

and i feel grateful for my gift. i feel grateful that people appreciate it and that i can share it with others. i feel humbled because i did nothing to earn it and nothing to create it. regardless i get to benefit from it. i guess that means that my friends who worked to cultivate their talents should be jealous of me, but i think it must be great to be able to look at their accomplishments and feel that they earned it. their hard work and care and time has led them to do amazing things.

i suppose we can all be grateful - and make amazing music together.