invulnerability.
isn't that supposed to be some kind of superpower or something?
sat with a dear friend this morning. i've known her 4 years, and our conversations are never dull. we talk about work. we talk about children. we talk about men. we...just...talk...and when i leave and think about what it is we've discussed i have always felt surprised at how deep we go and how much i discover in those moments.
i think by talking in case you did not know.
my friend today shared with me some tough stuff - dealing with a divorce and the realities of being a single, working mother. when it came up she teared a bit and said to me 'i'm sorry - i'm a bit raw today.' what i found significant about that moment was not that she apologized for being emotional (no one ever need do that with me), but that it was her vulnerability that allowed us to have that conversation.
it opened the door for me to talk about things in my life - the worries, stress, passion, anger, fear. i found myself giving voice to things that even i had not until that moment. i found new things in myself that were surprising and noteworthy. things i had not been looking for, but just came to me. i believe that the vulnerability of my friend is what allowed that to happen.
i've been feeling very vulnerable the past few days. i have been so focused on leaving moab and finding a job and getting out of my lease that i have been taking on a mantle of false-invulnerability. i'd spent half a day putting on my best face for a job interview as well. but then...then i had another conversation (this one unfortunately not face to face) with a friend with whom i have been wanting to make amends. in apologizing and trying (ineloquently i might add) to explain myself, i opened a door within myself and i found loads of things rushing out. most of what i found were things i'd been thinking about for a while, but in engaging in a vulnerable moment i came to clarity on some things, put words to personal traits i'd not yet explained to myself, and left the door open to deal with other things as well.
forgiveness seems to be another theme in all of this. not just seeking it from others, but locating it in my own heart and making peace with wrongs done me. i spoke at length with a friend recently (again with the think/talk connection) about challenges between children and parents. i realized in that conversation that the anger and resentment i'd built toward my parents for wrongs of the past was all but gone, and i was fine with seeing them as fallible, human, people. i also sat for an hour this week with my ex who deeply wronged me talking about life and plans and the future. though in neither of these situations did i spend time talking about the wrongs, i found in myself a willingness to just move on - a peace from taking down the wall and just letting people in.
in contrast i also had an interaction with someone who has meant a great deal to me and it was awkward and awful. despite all that we had been through together, and all we had been going through of late, we spoke for about 10 minutes about things as useless as the weather and as sterile as how our job searches were going. as i walked away i hearkened back to the time where we talked in depth about emotion and fear and love and life. we'd cried in one another's arms. i saw that a wall had come up slowly there that blocked those interactions. i spent a fleeting moment trying to decide why, but came to the conclusion that i probably never would know. instead i am trying to accept that for some reason the time of vulnerability has passed and that to one another we must project the invulnerable. superheroes fighting side by side and never knowing the others' secret identity.
for the moment i am wrapped in the sad sweetness of vulnerability in the face of challenge and fear. it's hard to stay here. i know i can in the wave of my mind's hand put up the wall even to myself. but i think i am going to sit here a while and see what else comes.
“Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself. When you are carried away with your worries, fears, cravings, anger, and desire, you run away from yourself and you lose yourself. The practice is always to go back to oneself.” - Tich Nhat Han
18.8.10
flight patterns
i was only supposed to be in oregon for a moment...metaphorically i mean.
24 hours after leaving the blazing utah desert for the greener pastures of the pacific northwest i was loading my wheelie suitcase onto a quasi air conditioned shuttle van aimed at the eugene airport. my mission was accomplished - i'd spent the morning discussing conflict resolution and student development theories in a series of job interviews - and i was heading back to utah with the patient resolve of a handcart trekker.
i'd heard an NPR program arguing that flying in this tight economy is a total joy. if by 'joy' you mean an invasive, expensive enterprise in which one is herded like a steer through rows of webbing, scanned, frisked, surveyed, and then packed into tiny spaces to await transport. i was prepared to hold my nose for a cold plunge.
now i really did not log a lot of flight time before 9/11. i lived less than a four hour drive from home until 2003 when curiosity, boredom, a sense of adventure, and a job offer took me over the rockies never to look back. i only dimly recall a time when people could walk in to meet you at the gate with their flowers or hugs or handwritten signs bearing your name. i know that i have to go through a series of measures to ensure that i or the woman with the eight children has not planted explosives in the underwire of our bras. however this was my first experience with the whole star-trek style scanner-space pod-tube thing. i stood on the carefully stenciled footprints with my hands in the air wondering if i should have put some of those x-ray proof pasties with 'top secret' emblazoned on my nipples. i will say it was nice not to have to strip off all of my jewelry.
i will also say that though i know that there were a lot of issues when all of these safety measures came into effect, but the TSA has got its shit together. the one thing i do remember from flying when i was younger was waiting, waiting, waiting to do even the most modest of security. in the past year or so i've hardly stood still while going through security. often i feel rushed.
but you just can't plan for everything.
in no way do i want an airline to send me hurtling through the air unless my plane is completely, totally, absolutely, seriously, perfectly, clearly, blatantly (i think you get the point) safe. so i will say that when i heard they were going to have a mechanic come check the tire on the plane i felt nervous (who wants to think there is something wrong with the plane) and comforted (hey, at least they are not being unsafe to make some bucks). however, as time dragged on i began to worry about my connecting flight. the line at the gate desk was impossibly long and moving so slowly that watching grass grow, dough rise, and paint dry all at the same might have been better endeavors than standing in it. i opted for an less arduous approach - i got the phone number online and called up customer service on my cell. waiting in line is so last century.
within a few minutes i had a backup plan...and more information about my plane, flight, and situation than the folks at the gate standing 25 feet from me had relayed. i called my boss to let him know i might not make it in time for work in the morning, called my boyfriend to tell him that i would not be back in time to see him off for the field, and settled in for the long haul. thanks to the people who gave me assistance in getting on track. no thanks to the people at the gate who seemed lost but were obviously linked in enough to communicate with cyberspace even if they could not be bothered even to make an announcement when we finally started boarding.
i got off the plane nine minutes before my connection was set to take off, so fat chance of making it. i opted to take on the middle leg of the air traveler's triathlon anyhow, sprinting along through the terminal in the amused and empathetic gaze of my fellow travelers (if you can call them that for simply noticing me as i slowly flashed by). knowing i was not going to make the flight i decided my plan was to get there quickly in case i could catch the people at the desk and get them to help me out. my plan worked out well - for me at least. i did notice a certain hint of dismay in the eyes of the man who was about to leave his post when i came panting to a sweaty stop asking for a new flight, hotel, and meal vouchers.
in the end i did not do too badly. the airline set me up with a morning flight to salt lake, a stay in a comfort suites (which i will say IS quite comfortable), shuttle service to and from the airport, and a meal voucher. i arrived at my home-for-the-night (home is where you hang your food bag to anyone who has backpacked for a living) exhausted and ready for free wi-fi, a hot tub, and a meal.
'meal voucher' is a relative term. after spending the better part of an hour on the phone trying to find a restaurant that would take it, i realized that the voucher was only for $8. considering the menu at the only restaurant i noted that this was not so much a meal voucher but a food subsidy. you'd think they would spring $15 at least and actually feed me. i did end up losing an eight hour day at my low-paying hourly wage job for their mechanical issues. don't get me wrong - i used my subsidy for a nice burger...i just wish it had paid for more than the bun.
the rest of the trip is not that noteworthy (she says before it's over...i hope i don't end up kicking myself for that). i will say i am kind of sad i was not grounded in eugene. it would have been nice to explore a bit and learn more about the town to which i might be moving. now i am cruising at some-number-of-thousand feet up and i can see the tops of volcanoes coming up for air in a sea of clouds. i've been served my diet coke and baggie of courtesy pretzels and have had an interesting conversation with my single-serving friend (he manages the columbia river - can't say i imagined that a river needed managing - i smell my next blog topic on the horizon). i've even managed to get through the takeoff without my usual dramamine and white wine cocktail that ensures lack of vomiting and heavy sleep until landing (i have to drive 4 hours after this - my mom will be proud of me for being responsible).
anyhow - happy travels to you all. am hoping the same for me.
24 hours after leaving the blazing utah desert for the greener pastures of the pacific northwest i was loading my wheelie suitcase onto a quasi air conditioned shuttle van aimed at the eugene airport. my mission was accomplished - i'd spent the morning discussing conflict resolution and student development theories in a series of job interviews - and i was heading back to utah with the patient resolve of a handcart trekker.
i'd heard an NPR program arguing that flying in this tight economy is a total joy. if by 'joy' you mean an invasive, expensive enterprise in which one is herded like a steer through rows of webbing, scanned, frisked, surveyed, and then packed into tiny spaces to await transport. i was prepared to hold my nose for a cold plunge.
now i really did not log a lot of flight time before 9/11. i lived less than a four hour drive from home until 2003 when curiosity, boredom, a sense of adventure, and a job offer took me over the rockies never to look back. i only dimly recall a time when people could walk in to meet you at the gate with their flowers or hugs or handwritten signs bearing your name. i know that i have to go through a series of measures to ensure that i or the woman with the eight children has not planted explosives in the underwire of our bras. however this was my first experience with the whole star-trek style scanner-space pod-tube thing. i stood on the carefully stenciled footprints with my hands in the air wondering if i should have put some of those x-ray proof pasties with 'top secret' emblazoned on my nipples. i will say it was nice not to have to strip off all of my jewelry.
i will also say that though i know that there were a lot of issues when all of these safety measures came into effect, but the TSA has got its shit together. the one thing i do remember from flying when i was younger was waiting, waiting, waiting to do even the most modest of security. in the past year or so i've hardly stood still while going through security. often i feel rushed.
but you just can't plan for everything.
in no way do i want an airline to send me hurtling through the air unless my plane is completely, totally, absolutely, seriously, perfectly, clearly, blatantly (i think you get the point) safe. so i will say that when i heard they were going to have a mechanic come check the tire on the plane i felt nervous (who wants to think there is something wrong with the plane) and comforted (hey, at least they are not being unsafe to make some bucks). however, as time dragged on i began to worry about my connecting flight. the line at the gate desk was impossibly long and moving so slowly that watching grass grow, dough rise, and paint dry all at the same might have been better endeavors than standing in it. i opted for an less arduous approach - i got the phone number online and called up customer service on my cell. waiting in line is so last century.
within a few minutes i had a backup plan...and more information about my plane, flight, and situation than the folks at the gate standing 25 feet from me had relayed. i called my boss to let him know i might not make it in time for work in the morning, called my boyfriend to tell him that i would not be back in time to see him off for the field, and settled in for the long haul. thanks to the people who gave me assistance in getting on track. no thanks to the people at the gate who seemed lost but were obviously linked in enough to communicate with cyberspace even if they could not be bothered even to make an announcement when we finally started boarding.
i got off the plane nine minutes before my connection was set to take off, so fat chance of making it. i opted to take on the middle leg of the air traveler's triathlon anyhow, sprinting along through the terminal in the amused and empathetic gaze of my fellow travelers (if you can call them that for simply noticing me as i slowly flashed by). knowing i was not going to make the flight i decided my plan was to get there quickly in case i could catch the people at the desk and get them to help me out. my plan worked out well - for me at least. i did notice a certain hint of dismay in the eyes of the man who was about to leave his post when i came panting to a sweaty stop asking for a new flight, hotel, and meal vouchers.
in the end i did not do too badly. the airline set me up with a morning flight to salt lake, a stay in a comfort suites (which i will say IS quite comfortable), shuttle service to and from the airport, and a meal voucher. i arrived at my home-for-the-night (home is where you hang your food bag to anyone who has backpacked for a living) exhausted and ready for free wi-fi, a hot tub, and a meal.
'meal voucher' is a relative term. after spending the better part of an hour on the phone trying to find a restaurant that would take it, i realized that the voucher was only for $8. considering the menu at the only restaurant i noted that this was not so much a meal voucher but a food subsidy. you'd think they would spring $15 at least and actually feed me. i did end up losing an eight hour day at my low-paying hourly wage job for their mechanical issues. don't get me wrong - i used my subsidy for a nice burger...i just wish it had paid for more than the bun.
the rest of the trip is not that noteworthy (she says before it's over...i hope i don't end up kicking myself for that). i will say i am kind of sad i was not grounded in eugene. it would have been nice to explore a bit and learn more about the town to which i might be moving. now i am cruising at some-number-of-thousand feet up and i can see the tops of volcanoes coming up for air in a sea of clouds. i've been served my diet coke and baggie of courtesy pretzels and have had an interesting conversation with my single-serving friend (he manages the columbia river - can't say i imagined that a river needed managing - i smell my next blog topic on the horizon). i've even managed to get through the takeoff without my usual dramamine and white wine cocktail that ensures lack of vomiting and heavy sleep until landing (i have to drive 4 hours after this - my mom will be proud of me for being responsible).
anyhow - happy travels to you all. am hoping the same for me.
12.8.10
how not to get a job
so at the moment i am in the middle of two different job searches. one, i am looking for a new position for myself, and two, i am looking for someone to replace me. its interesting to be on both sides of the process simultaneously. i have a lot more empathy when i see that look in people's eyes that tells you 'i need this job.' i gain new ideas for my cover letters and resume with each application i read.
i've been interviewing people for 9 years now. it all started when i took a position as senior interviewer at clark university. i met with prospective students and talked with them about their goals, what they wanted in a school, and then answered questions. afterward i did a writeup that went into their application file. i have no clue what kind of bearing my thoughts had on their application, but i felt very empowered in the position nonetheless. since then i have sat on and chaired hiring committees, served as employee trainer-interviewer at a wilderness program, and took on the role of trainer-recruiter while working at the aspen achievement academy. i can't put a number on the amount of interviews i've done in these 9 years, but i'd wager its well into the high hundreds.
i like interviewing. i like job searching. i don't like the stress of wondering if i am going to get rejected, or the worry of crunching out yet another cover letter. i like having 30 minutes to connect with someone and let them know who i am. i like sharing my thoughts and philosophies. my inner narcissist thrills at a time when it is really all...about...me. since i enjoy doing it myself, and i've been involved with so many other people's processes as well, i have started helping others.' just this week i did two references, helped with two cover letters, and provided much-needed advice to a person who certainly did not have it together (and if you are one of the people i helped this week and you actually know me - i am NOT referring to you with that last comment).
i do have some tips for people on what not to do when applying for a job. these come from 9 years of experience with interviews, cover letters, and resumes.
from the archives:
i've been interviewing people for 9 years now. it all started when i took a position as senior interviewer at clark university. i met with prospective students and talked with them about their goals, what they wanted in a school, and then answered questions. afterward i did a writeup that went into their application file. i have no clue what kind of bearing my thoughts had on their application, but i felt very empowered in the position nonetheless. since then i have sat on and chaired hiring committees, served as employee trainer-interviewer at a wilderness program, and took on the role of trainer-recruiter while working at the aspen achievement academy. i can't put a number on the amount of interviews i've done in these 9 years, but i'd wager its well into the high hundreds.
i like interviewing. i like job searching. i don't like the stress of wondering if i am going to get rejected, or the worry of crunching out yet another cover letter. i like having 30 minutes to connect with someone and let them know who i am. i like sharing my thoughts and philosophies. my inner narcissist thrills at a time when it is really all...about...me. since i enjoy doing it myself, and i've been involved with so many other people's processes as well, i have started helping others.' just this week i did two references, helped with two cover letters, and provided much-needed advice to a person who certainly did not have it together (and if you are one of the people i helped this week and you actually know me - i am NOT referring to you with that last comment).
i do have some tips for people on what not to do when applying for a job. these come from 9 years of experience with interviews, cover letters, and resumes.
from the archives:
- though its nice that you have hobbies, i don't think that 'adult magazine collector' is something you want to advertise to your future employer - unless you are applying to work for larry flint. i am not larry flint - i am less lecherous and female.
- i also don't recommend including history about your past lives in your cover letter. it's great that you were a medicine woman two lives ago, but i think things have changed a bit since then.
- please don't spend time trying to convince me you are not an illegal citizen right when you walk into the interivew. i am not the state of arizona.
- bursting into tears in a phone interview because i gave you some constructive feedback does not bode well for your ability to take direction.
- i do not recommend printing your resume and cover letter in rainbow font. it does not make you look creative and outside the box. it makes you look like a crazed LSD freak.
- please do not include the names of your kids in your cover letter. its nice you are a parent, but jimmy, joey, johnny, joshie and susan are not coming to work with me. i can learn about them later as i am sure you are going to come in with three cardboard boxes filled with pictures, art projects, and their baby scrapbooks.
- coming to an interview stoned and smelling of pot is a great way to get a job at a head shop. btw - i would never work at a head shop.
- punctuation, is nice only, when; put in the right - places.
- when i interview you on the phone, i don't appreciate it if you ask me what i am wearing. though in this situation the person was not trying to come on to me, it was still creepy.
- when writing a cover letter please AVOID highlighting things using ALL CAPS. i don't like it when people shout at me even in print.
- if you must put a picture on your resume please do not make it one of you in a bathing suit.
- i don't recommend that you joke about how our health policy can help you when you get crabs. it makes me want to take a bath in hand sanitizer once you leave the room...oh...and burn the chair you were sitting in.
i am sure i will have more as life moves along. its just nice to get these little reminders...to have faith in humanity...?
10.8.10
plagiarize this!
am thinking today about creativity per the radio west show i listened to yesterday arguing that we are, as a culture, becoming less and less creative. this came to me in combination with a ny times article about plagiarism and the internet and a recent foray into richard louv's 'last child in the woods.' what comes to me after experiencing these pieces touch upon three things 1) loss of creativity and imagination, 2) the impact of digital media on our culture, and 3) the question of how to foster important life skills while honoring technological advances.
if you are reading this you have in some way bought in to the immediate, accessible, intangible world of the internet. i know that i use the web on a daily basis to look for jobs, connect with friends, read the news, and research things. there are times when i find myself feeling a NEED for that access. instead of playing my guitar, working in my garden, walking my dog, i fold myself into this safe digital 'space' happily. i build virtual relationships (there are people 'in' my life i have not spoken to directly in years), read news as it come to me (often without depth of content), send my own thoughts into cyberspace (if you can call it a space), and even build a little frontier village complete with digital animals, crops and a family.
i can see how virtual reality cuts into my actual reality (thank you jonathan larson), and i try to be conscious of that fact. i don't think that is so much the case for the millennial generation. my younger cousins don't recall a time when mail did not come on a screen and where 'chatting' included a keyboard. if that is the way life is why would one divide their consciousness like i try to? kids don't play in the woods, learn the art of meaningful conversation, or understand how to verify facts. i can see why plagiarism has become fuzzy around the edges - our own reality has been ever so slightly drawn out of focus. if reality is not always 'real,' how can facts be?
there was a lovely editorial written about that ny times article arguing that if professors were to make paper-writing a process rather than an assignment they might have less cheating and more learning. i completely agree, and would take it farther to include the rest of life as well. there are so mant other places in life where we are no longer involved in process. food needs only a couple of buttons pressed to eat ('processed' replaces 'process'), conversations are reduced to 'gtg' or 'rofl' on keypads, and we all travel around in our cars, windows closed to the weather. if we all make a greater effort to get our hands dirty we might not see such a decline in creativity in schoolchildren.
i don't advocate the removal of digital technology from our lives. i love being able to call my friends at a moment's notice, write blog articles, read the paper without having to change the delivery address each time i move, and find recipes at the drop of a hat. however i do hope that people can come up with a way to maintain our actual reality and avoid getting lost in the virtual. the connection we can get with ourselves, others, and our planet is worth the effort!
now, if you will excuse me, i need to go back to reality.
if you are reading this you have in some way bought in to the immediate, accessible, intangible world of the internet. i know that i use the web on a daily basis to look for jobs, connect with friends, read the news, and research things. there are times when i find myself feeling a NEED for that access. instead of playing my guitar, working in my garden, walking my dog, i fold myself into this safe digital 'space' happily. i build virtual relationships (there are people 'in' my life i have not spoken to directly in years), read news as it come to me (often without depth of content), send my own thoughts into cyberspace (if you can call it a space), and even build a little frontier village complete with digital animals, crops and a family.
i can see how virtual reality cuts into my actual reality (thank you jonathan larson), and i try to be conscious of that fact. i don't think that is so much the case for the millennial generation. my younger cousins don't recall a time when mail did not come on a screen and where 'chatting' included a keyboard. if that is the way life is why would one divide their consciousness like i try to? kids don't play in the woods, learn the art of meaningful conversation, or understand how to verify facts. i can see why plagiarism has become fuzzy around the edges - our own reality has been ever so slightly drawn out of focus. if reality is not always 'real,' how can facts be?
there was a lovely editorial written about that ny times article arguing that if professors were to make paper-writing a process rather than an assignment they might have less cheating and more learning. i completely agree, and would take it farther to include the rest of life as well. there are so mant other places in life where we are no longer involved in process. food needs only a couple of buttons pressed to eat ('processed' replaces 'process'), conversations are reduced to 'gtg' or 'rofl' on keypads, and we all travel around in our cars, windows closed to the weather. if we all make a greater effort to get our hands dirty we might not see such a decline in creativity in schoolchildren.
i don't advocate the removal of digital technology from our lives. i love being able to call my friends at a moment's notice, write blog articles, read the paper without having to change the delivery address each time i move, and find recipes at the drop of a hat. however i do hope that people can come up with a way to maintain our actual reality and avoid getting lost in the virtual. the connection we can get with ourselves, others, and our planet is worth the effort!
now, if you will excuse me, i need to go back to reality.
7.8.10
other people's kids
spent a good portion of my day sitting at the farmers' market talking to people about the small community grants that wabisabi gives out twice a year. it was fun, i met nice people, gave out free lemonade, and stuck promo stickers on lots of little kids. i love farmers' markets. it's great to look the person who grows my food in the eye and hand them the money directly. the food is always so much fresher, tastier, and healthier.
however there was one thing i did not love.
she was small - perhaps 2 or so (i can never age kids properly) - and adorable with long curly hair and a jersey knit sundress. her shoes were pink, her hair tied in a bow to match. she had dark eyes, rosy cheeks, and a smile that warmed me. however the whole cherubic picture was ruined by the fact that she carried with her a 32 oz. bottle of lime, diet, coke.
now i don't have kids. i don't know what its like to raise them, feed them, clothe them. i have never changed diapers or lived paycheck to paycheck to make sure my kid is fed. i've not been up nights with fevers or wiped runny noses or chased monsters out from under the bed. i've never sacrificed my own needs for those of my little ones. because i have not done any of these things i question if it's even valid that i pass judgment on what anyone does with their own children.
but seriously. it makes me so mad.
there are so many other things that you can buy for your kid. you can get them juice, you can get them milk, you can run them water out from the tap. hell. i was giving out free lemonade - dump that shit and fill up with me! why on earth should anyone be giving diet coke to a kid that age? not only is that just awful, but to give her so much of it that the bottle is almost as tall as she is?
and the message that doing such a thing sends to your kid about health and what is good for you. this kid is walking around a farmers' market! it's the epitome of local, grassroots, healthy, and sustainable. what a ridiculous oxymoron. it made me mad like seeing parents stuffing their already obsese six-year-olds with more macdonalds.
but it does not stop there.
the mother came over to talk to me, got lemonade for herself only, and then we chatted for a bit. she seemed very kind. certainly i kept my mouth shut about her choice for her daughter...until the little girl finished her soda and tried to hand the cap from the bottle to her mother. her mother looked at her and said 'i don't want that - what are you going to do with it?' instantly the girl tossed the cap onto the ground.
and the mother let her.
she turned from me to walk away and i just could take it no longer. 'you forgot the cap' i called, 'it's on the ground right there.'
'oh, can you get that?' the mother asked. and walked away.
other people's kids. they are like that for a reason.
however there was one thing i did not love.
she was small - perhaps 2 or so (i can never age kids properly) - and adorable with long curly hair and a jersey knit sundress. her shoes were pink, her hair tied in a bow to match. she had dark eyes, rosy cheeks, and a smile that warmed me. however the whole cherubic picture was ruined by the fact that she carried with her a 32 oz. bottle of lime, diet, coke.
now i don't have kids. i don't know what its like to raise them, feed them, clothe them. i have never changed diapers or lived paycheck to paycheck to make sure my kid is fed. i've not been up nights with fevers or wiped runny noses or chased monsters out from under the bed. i've never sacrificed my own needs for those of my little ones. because i have not done any of these things i question if it's even valid that i pass judgment on what anyone does with their own children.
but seriously. it makes me so mad.
there are so many other things that you can buy for your kid. you can get them juice, you can get them milk, you can run them water out from the tap. hell. i was giving out free lemonade - dump that shit and fill up with me! why on earth should anyone be giving diet coke to a kid that age? not only is that just awful, but to give her so much of it that the bottle is almost as tall as she is?
and the message that doing such a thing sends to your kid about health and what is good for you. this kid is walking around a farmers' market! it's the epitome of local, grassroots, healthy, and sustainable. what a ridiculous oxymoron. it made me mad like seeing parents stuffing their already obsese six-year-olds with more macdonalds.
but it does not stop there.
the mother came over to talk to me, got lemonade for herself only, and then we chatted for a bit. she seemed very kind. certainly i kept my mouth shut about her choice for her daughter...until the little girl finished her soda and tried to hand the cap from the bottle to her mother. her mother looked at her and said 'i don't want that - what are you going to do with it?' instantly the girl tossed the cap onto the ground.
and the mother let her.
she turned from me to walk away and i just could take it no longer. 'you forgot the cap' i called, 'it's on the ground right there.'
'oh, can you get that?' the mother asked. and walked away.
other people's kids. they are like that for a reason.
6.8.10
cliche
really obama? seriously?
i can't say as i have had the love affair with our esteemed president as many of my friends have. i am unimpressed with his position on gay marriage, dislike his stance on iraq and afghanistan, and generally think that he could do more to help people (yes, yes, i understand that congress plays a role in this too...see earlier posts on things i don't like about them). in the end i understand that i am not going to agree with everything, and i can applaud the things i do like as well, but today i certainly have a bad taste in my mouth.
with his approval rating at 44%, the economy not making the oft-predicted comeback, and his white house leaking like a BP oil cap, obama apparently has to defend himself. what's the best defense? apparently a good offense (and by good here i mean effective not actually worthy of positive note). embracing all cliche obama has attacked republicans, touted america, and cited patriotism to justify his choice to give the auto industry yet more money.
i get really really tired of people playing the patriot card. i know WHY people do it - it creates a division between oneself and the 'other' with whom one does not agree. calling someone unpatriotic (which obama did by saying that supporting the auto industry was a way to be patriotic) puts them into the 'other' category. the farther we can stuff our opponents into this box the better because it allows us to think of them as evil, wrong, and inhuman. now we can justify doing to these 'things' whatever we wish (thank you arbinger institute and clark university for bringing me two views on the same topic).
i think of rwanda
i think of the balkans
i think of pakistan and india
i think of 9/11
basic psychology, fear, denial, conflict, pain, hate...so many things come from choosing a heart at war, attacking, name-calling, killing, hurting. i know that what obama's use of nationalism is not as extreme, but it taps into the same narrative, the same path, the same way of making sense of the world.
if leaders are meant to unite the world does this mean that politics divides it?
i can't say as i have had the love affair with our esteemed president as many of my friends have. i am unimpressed with his position on gay marriage, dislike his stance on iraq and afghanistan, and generally think that he could do more to help people (yes, yes, i understand that congress plays a role in this too...see earlier posts on things i don't like about them). in the end i understand that i am not going to agree with everything, and i can applaud the things i do like as well, but today i certainly have a bad taste in my mouth.
with his approval rating at 44%, the economy not making the oft-predicted comeback, and his white house leaking like a BP oil cap, obama apparently has to defend himself. what's the best defense? apparently a good offense (and by good here i mean effective not actually worthy of positive note). embracing all cliche obama has attacked republicans, touted america, and cited patriotism to justify his choice to give the auto industry yet more money.
i get really really tired of people playing the patriot card. i know WHY people do it - it creates a division between oneself and the 'other' with whom one does not agree. calling someone unpatriotic (which obama did by saying that supporting the auto industry was a way to be patriotic) puts them into the 'other' category. the farther we can stuff our opponents into this box the better because it allows us to think of them as evil, wrong, and inhuman. now we can justify doing to these 'things' whatever we wish (thank you arbinger institute and clark university for bringing me two views on the same topic).
i think of rwanda
i think of the balkans
i think of pakistan and india
i think of 9/11
basic psychology, fear, denial, conflict, pain, hate...so many things come from choosing a heart at war, attacking, name-calling, killing, hurting. i know that what obama's use of nationalism is not as extreme, but it taps into the same narrative, the same path, the same way of making sense of the world.
if leaders are meant to unite the world does this mean that politics divides it?
1.8.10
assume crash positions
those of you who know me well understand that i have what can only be described as a mild obsession with buffy the vampire slayer (well...those of you who really know me well might describe it as more than 'mild'). the universe joss whedon created has long gone out of vogue with the exception of reruns late late at night. however, when things come up in my life i almost always find some kind of buffy analogy - a situation, a line, a plot twist - that helps me think about what is going on in reality.
this recent decision to enter into a job search is no different. i realized today that i have been living in what tara, in the episode 'after life' called 'assume-crash-positions.' tara was talking about a spell that the group had done to bring buffy back to life. it went well despite some hitches, and in the end the group had what they wanted for themselves - their friend back. tara used the 'crash-positions' metaphor to describe the feeling the group had about the huge risk they were taking. they were all poised for it to go wrong - tensed up and ready for the crash and burn. today i found in myself that same sense of impending dread...only after i had relaxed a bit.
some personal history is needed to understand why i might be all worried about this job search thing. my first job search after college was very painful. i applied to over 20 different jobs, was rejected by 18, and in the end earned myself a part-time position with smith college residence life. don't get me wrong...at least i ended up with a job, but i will say that the process of being rejected that many times was pretty upsetting to a girl who had only once before been told 'no' for something she'd applied for. during that two month period i lived out of my car in the clark university parking garage, writing cover letters at the library and showering in the gym. it was not a completely awful existence, but it certainly left an impression.
my next job searches were much easier. i'd learned i would survive rejection, and i had built up my resume in a way that made it harder for places not to notice me. i also had going for me the fact that i did not NEED the job i was applying for. as soon as i took the smith job my dad told me 'you have a job, so now you can look for one.' this bit of wisdom has helped me a lot as i moved on in life. i generally don't let go of one branch until i've found the next to swing to.
that was not the case when i got back from new zealand. wilderness therapy jobs were dried up as was my savings account. i lucked out landing the job i am in now - but jason has not. he has been working in wilderness therapy as best he can, but layoffs loom and we are looking for jobs in new places.
i still deal with the issues with my initial job search when i put together my resume and start writing cover letters. i worry that the resume is not good enough. i wonder what i should put into my letters. i have anxiety over whether or not i am going to get calls. i worry, worry, worry my days in distraction and my nights in insomnia.
this week i landed a couple of interviews. it felt good to hear from places and to know that even in this tough economy i might be competitive. i stopped frantically checking every university's job boards twice a day. i stopped having crazy dreams. i stopped feeling panicky. i just...stopped. in the end i realized i stopped doing and feeling a lot of things that i did not realize i was. i relaxed though i did not realize i was tense. i've slept better, laughed more, and done more fun things this week. i know i am not out of the woods so to speak, but i am realizing it will be ok.
how to do this without crash positions?
i wish i knew. i'd like to take on change without it being arduous, stressful, and anxiety-riddled. i know that there is always going to be some of that, but i also know that i should not have to live in crash position until things smooth out. it's not fun.
if you know how please let me know!
this recent decision to enter into a job search is no different. i realized today that i have been living in what tara, in the episode 'after life' called 'assume-crash-positions.' tara was talking about a spell that the group had done to bring buffy back to life. it went well despite some hitches, and in the end the group had what they wanted for themselves - their friend back. tara used the 'crash-positions' metaphor to describe the feeling the group had about the huge risk they were taking. they were all poised for it to go wrong - tensed up and ready for the crash and burn. today i found in myself that same sense of impending dread...only after i had relaxed a bit.
some personal history is needed to understand why i might be all worried about this job search thing. my first job search after college was very painful. i applied to over 20 different jobs, was rejected by 18, and in the end earned myself a part-time position with smith college residence life. don't get me wrong...at least i ended up with a job, but i will say that the process of being rejected that many times was pretty upsetting to a girl who had only once before been told 'no' for something she'd applied for. during that two month period i lived out of my car in the clark university parking garage, writing cover letters at the library and showering in the gym. it was not a completely awful existence, but it certainly left an impression.
my next job searches were much easier. i'd learned i would survive rejection, and i had built up my resume in a way that made it harder for places not to notice me. i also had going for me the fact that i did not NEED the job i was applying for. as soon as i took the smith job my dad told me 'you have a job, so now you can look for one.' this bit of wisdom has helped me a lot as i moved on in life. i generally don't let go of one branch until i've found the next to swing to.
that was not the case when i got back from new zealand. wilderness therapy jobs were dried up as was my savings account. i lucked out landing the job i am in now - but jason has not. he has been working in wilderness therapy as best he can, but layoffs loom and we are looking for jobs in new places.
i still deal with the issues with my initial job search when i put together my resume and start writing cover letters. i worry that the resume is not good enough. i wonder what i should put into my letters. i have anxiety over whether or not i am going to get calls. i worry, worry, worry my days in distraction and my nights in insomnia.
this week i landed a couple of interviews. it felt good to hear from places and to know that even in this tough economy i might be competitive. i stopped frantically checking every university's job boards twice a day. i stopped having crazy dreams. i stopped feeling panicky. i just...stopped. in the end i realized i stopped doing and feeling a lot of things that i did not realize i was. i relaxed though i did not realize i was tense. i've slept better, laughed more, and done more fun things this week. i know i am not out of the woods so to speak, but i am realizing it will be ok.
how to do this without crash positions?
i wish i knew. i'd like to take on change without it being arduous, stressful, and anxiety-riddled. i know that there is always going to be some of that, but i also know that i should not have to live in crash position until things smooth out. it's not fun.
if you know how please let me know!
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