12.8.10

how not to get a job

so at the moment i am in the middle of two different job searches. one, i am looking for a new position for myself, and two, i am looking for someone to replace me. its interesting to be on both sides of the process simultaneously. i have a lot more empathy when i see that look in people's eyes that tells you 'i need this job.' i gain new ideas for my cover letters and resume with each application i read.

i've been interviewing people for 9 years now. it all started when i took a position as senior interviewer at clark university. i met with prospective students and talked with them about their goals, what they wanted in a school, and then answered questions. afterward i did a writeup that went into their application file. i have no clue what kind of bearing my thoughts had on their application, but i felt very empowered in the position nonetheless. since then i have sat on and chaired hiring committees, served as employee trainer-interviewer at a wilderness program, and took on the role of trainer-recruiter while working at the aspen achievement academy. i can't put a number on the amount of interviews i've done in these 9 years, but i'd wager its well into the high hundreds.

i like interviewing. i like job searching. i don't like the stress of wondering if i am going to get rejected, or the worry of crunching out yet another cover letter. i like having 30 minutes to connect with someone and let them know who i am. i like sharing my thoughts and philosophies. my inner narcissist thrills at a time when it is really all...about...me. since i enjoy doing it myself, and i've been involved with so many other people's processes as well, i have started helping others.' just this week i did two references, helped with two cover letters, and provided much-needed advice to a person who certainly did not have it together (and if you are one of the people i helped this week and you actually know me - i am NOT referring to you with that last comment).

i do have some tips for people on what not to do when applying for a job. these come from 9 years of experience with interviews, cover letters, and resumes.

from the archives:
  • though its nice that you have hobbies, i don't think that 'adult magazine collector' is something you want to advertise to your future employer - unless you are applying to work for larry flint. i am not larry flint - i am less lecherous and female.
  • i also don't recommend including history about your past lives in your cover letter. it's great that you were a medicine woman two lives ago, but i think things have changed a bit since then.
  • please don't spend time trying to convince me you are not an illegal citizen right when you walk into the interivew. i am not the state of arizona.
  • bursting into tears in a phone interview because i gave you some constructive feedback does not bode well for your ability to take direction.
  • i do not recommend printing your resume and cover letter in rainbow font. it does not make you look creative and outside the box. it makes you look like a crazed LSD freak.
  • please do not include the names of your kids in your cover letter. its nice you are a parent, but jimmy, joey, johnny, joshie and susan are not coming to work with me. i can learn about them later as i am sure you are going to come in with three cardboard boxes filled with pictures, art projects, and their baby scrapbooks.
  • coming to an interview stoned and smelling of pot is a great way to get a job at a head shop. btw - i would never work at a head shop.
  • punctuation, is nice only, when; put in the right - places.
  • when i interview you on the phone, i don't appreciate it if you ask me what i am wearing. though in this situation the person was not trying to come on to me, it was still creepy.
  • when writing a cover letter please AVOID highlighting things using ALL CAPS. i don't like it when people shout at me even in print.
  • if you must put a picture on your resume please do not make it one of you in a bathing suit.
  • i don't recommend that you joke about how our health policy can help you when you get crabs. it makes me want to take a bath in hand sanitizer once you leave the room...oh...and burn the chair you were sitting in.

i am sure i will have more as life moves along. its just nice to get these little reminders...to have faith in humanity...?

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