service leadership

a while back...shoot...maybe more than a while back, i was working in the field and got a visit from my director, brad. it was february or march - cold and sunny as the desert spring always is - and we took a walk from the group to chat a while.

we talked about life, future, plans. we talked about my recent breakdown in the field which led me to panic and call to base that i had to leave. we talked about my on again off again relationship. we talked about my dog.

but that was not why he came to see me.

brad wanted to know if i was going to apply for the job opening in the field department. he knew i was getting burnt out on the work and looking for something new. he knew i had been putting in select applications to return to university life, and he knew that i had already set my end date at aspen for field work. he knew i was going to say yes when he asked me if i would apply, but he came to ask me anyhow.

in the end it was not really that question that brought brad to the wilderness to talk. that was just the ramp up. he wanted to give me some feedback that i needed to hear. need to, but would not want to. a master craftsman of difficult feedback, he laid an impeccable foundation that set me up to listen to his thoughts about my work, my growth, and my leadership.

"you do too much," he said. "people who work with you don't get a chance to grow."

when you get a mirror like that held up to you - the kind that blindsides you with truths you had no idea existed - it can be devastating. the idea that my own drive to be perfect and solid and the best at what i do was stunting others hit me hard - not unlike a mack truck taking out a deer. i went to the desert to learn about myself, but the edification process really hurt.

it's been a while - still not sure how long a while - since i got that feedback. i feel grateful that i did. though i still often fall into the pattern of doing everything myself so that i know it gets done correctly, my aim is not necessarily perfection but balance. that conversation changed how i think about leadership in many ways. it pushed me to think about leading by stepping back, by empowering, and by helping rather than by doing. leadership can be more than charging ahead. it can be more than creating vision.

leadership can be so many things.

i read an article in the NY times today that talked about arizona politicians serving corn to constituents. the woman who organizes the event said of it simply, "people want leaders who will serve them." i thought that was a beautiful way to think about leadership. if you take it on with a heart of service then there is nothing you will be unwilling to do when you lead. no person bigger than the team, everyone pitches in, no I anywhere in there etc. etc.

i make light...i think my brain is stuck in grey's anatomy voice over mode.

really though - service leadership. i really like it.

now i just have to figure out how to enact it.